I want to make it right, some future in my eyes (bright)
Hush don't explain when you water down my name
I'll be up too late, call me when you get better at your game
You haven't beat me yet
It was one of those days. You stay in bed, ignore the clock and drift back into a reality that makes more sense than the current one you inhabit. I slept in until around one o'clock. I had many dreams, all of them involved violence. One of them was like a murder mystery. In the dream I kept telling everyone that they weren't real, they shouldn't fear death and that they were all made up in my mind. No one believed me in the dream. Three of them met an ugly, bloody death. In another dream, they were all alive again. I told them they should have believed me in the previous dream. They apologized.
Had another dream involving, hell what can I call him? Do I give him a codename? Do I risk the chance of someone reading this and getting inside of my head? Or do I defeat the purpose of blogging to protect my reputation?
We'll call him "EP". I had a dream about him trying to get closer to me, even though his friends were looking at us. I stared in disbelief as he hooked his arm around mine and cried into my arm - apologizing for being a complete dick. All I could do was stare at him, look down and keep repeating "You're not real. I've made you up too."
Not looking for reason. Not trying to understand. Not trying to catch your eye - not trying to touch your hand. Not trying to show you a part of me no one else can find. But I will bring you a song who will try and buy me time.
I feel completely uncapable of being a human with morality. Today my mother yelled at me for not being happy for everyone who got into UCSD. I gave her a fake smile and kept on ignoring the incidious ideas that were cavorting in my brain.
On a lighter, less depressing and repulsive note, I'm planning to get one of these for either myself or Megan. I'm not sure if she'll really want it now, but I definately want one.
Anyone want to buy me one for Christmas? Or Christmahaunnakwanzakka?
Listening : Metric - White Gold
