she swore that she could explain
she swore that it would not happen again
she swore that she could explain
we both knew her words were in vain
I miss my juvenile deliquent ex-boyfriend.
It was just one of those days today. A day where nothing anyone says can make you feel better, with the exception of a joke Mr. Bolstad told me. A day where anything that can go wrong does, and you just want to curl up in bed and cry silently until you fall asleep alone.
Everyone was talking about getting acceptance letters in the mail today. Everyone in this thing for the top 5% or whatever, is automatically accepted to UCSD. Everyone in second period apparently had gotten one, and it took every mean spirit in my body to keep me from crying. It felt like I had an entire chorus of people telling me I am a fuckup, and I'm never going to amount to anything behind me. It's finally dawned on me, that every single one of my university dreams have gone down the drain. Every single last goddamn one of them. No one even thinks I'm capable of anything, it's no surprise to them I didn't get a letter. I knew I wouldn't but the fact that they knew was what hurt the most. It hurts so much inside. It hurts so fucking much, knowing every single thing you ever wanted isn't attainable.
I needed a friend so bad, I needed someone there for me. I didn't have anyone. Even just to have someone lie to me, and tell me everything was going to be alright - would have been lovely. But I didn't. It hurts to be alone.
I guess I'm not much a friend. To anyone. I'm not worth a phone call, an instant message or a fucking hug.
I'm use to this. So why does it hurt so goddamn much?
Listening : Cursive - A Red So Deep
