I got my yearbook today, and I flipped through the pages and laughed at the dumb things we did and the horrid pictures of me and my friends. But it started to sink in that all of my senior friends are going to be gone and that I'm going to be gone next year as well. It's sad too, because I know how bad I'm going to miss people, but I'm not so sure they are going to miss me. I think about this with the few seniors I am especially close to, but I know deep down I'm just an expedable friend. I try too hard, and I know this, I just wish I didn't have to. I wish I was worth missing and worth while, but I'm not. But does it even matter if I am or not? In the grand scheme of things does any of this bullshit matter? Of course not, but right now..that's all that is playing in my mind. And it's on repeat.
Just some foolish illusion playing in your mind, it's on repeat and rewind..
i've got a hunger, twisting my stomach into knots, that my tongue was tied off. my brain's repeating, "if you've got an impulse let it out" but the they never made it past my mouth...ba ba, ba, ba...this is the sound of settling...are you this fleeting? and i'll sit and wonder of every love that could have been; if only I had thought of something charming to say...
i've come to my senses, that i've become senseless and i could give you lessons how to ruin your friendships. and every last conviction, well i've smoked them all away, and i drank my frustrations down the drain out of the way. i'm the king of catastrophes. im so overdosed on apathy and burned out on sympathy. im so far gone..that deep down i think it's fine by me that i'm my own worst enemy. let the meaning slip away. lost my faith in another day. self deprication seems ok - i never thought i'd make it anyway. so i'll sing along, just sing along..that im my own worst enemy.
Listening : Death Cab For Cutie - The Sound Of Settling.
Mood : Disenchanted |
