Tomorrow we go get to see Schindler's List. 99% of the juniors at school will be at the movie theater, along with some of the seniors. Stephen gets to go - so yay for us! Speaking of Stephen and myself, we were yet again forced to akwardly walk on eggshells around Seth. I hate this bullshit. Because all it is, is bullshit. I'm counting the days until they break up. I feel responsible for their about to be breakup. I know I didn't make them become pissed off at each other but I don't think I helped the situation. Things were inevitable, why I cannot say. I would love to spill every juicy detail of every single secret I know on to this website, but sadly, too many people read it and that surely compromises the meaning of secret. I question the meaning of a diary, or journal or blog. Aren't they ment to stay secret? Yet we know people can view our thoughts, feelings and ideas, and we continue to write in it, and not all of the time for our own enjoyment or therapy.
But back to this whole situation with Seth and Stephen. Everything has gone to hell between the three of us. We can each have a seperate relationship, but the three of us together just doesn't seem to work. Threesomes don't work because someone always gets left out. I thought I was the odd man out, and it seems I am in every threesome I have been in, and there has been many. Amanda+Lacey+Me, Amanda+Katie+Me, Katie+Lauren+Me, Seth+Stephen+Me. I always figured I was the one left out. But I guess some how Seth became the extra link. I should feel incredibly guilty for all of this, and I don't. I guess that's my young and naive side.
I don't know how to explain my relationships with people. Each one is different, and each one has impacted me. Some of them I have grown out of, such as my dependency on Amanda. But some, I'm just starting to become addicted to (Stephen). I can't help but think I am acting selfishly and alienanting people that I've shared my life with, but I don't care. All my life I felt like I was alone, and now I don't feel alone. I don't feel dependent on anyone, except maybe Stephen. I never expected this friendship to happen, but it did and it's the best thing that has ever happened to me. And, no matter how bad this sounds, how much I come off as a bitch or selfish or childish, I don't care - but I will do anything to keep it sustained. When you finally become friends with someone who just gets you then come talk to me.
And for the record, I am absolutely in love with how Stephen smells. And Chris is an excellent person. I love guys, guys are just good. Girls are drama. That's a lesson to everyone.
